Lesson 42 What Does the Bible Say About Singleness and Marriage?

[Image:] A single sister and a married couple happily talking in a café.

In some cultures, people believe that a person cannot be happy unless he or she gets married. Yet, not all married people are happy and not all single people are unhappy. The truth is that the Bible refers to both singleness and marriage as gifts.

1. What are some benefits of being single?

The Bible says: “Whoever marries does well, but whoever does not marry will do better.” (Read 1 Corinthians 7:32, 33 and 38) In what ways can a single person “do better”? Single Christians do not have to look after the needs of a mate. Thus, they generally have more freedom. For example, some are able to expand their ministry in interesting ways, such as by traveling to another land to preach the good news. Above all, they can spend more time drawing close to Jehovah.

[Read scripture] 1 Corinthians 7:32 and 33: Indeed, I want you to be free from anxiety. The unmarried man is anxious for the things of the Lord, how he may gain the Lord’s approval. But the married man is anxious for the things of the world, how he may gain the approval of his wife [End of Read scripture]

[Read scripture] 1 Corinthians 7:38: So also, whoever marries does well, but whoever does not marry will do better. [End of Read scripture]

2. What are some benefits of being legally married?

Marriage, like singleness, brings unique benefits. The Bible says that “two are better than one.” ( Ecclesiastes 4:9)

[Quotation] Ecclesiastes 4:9: Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their hard work. [End Quotation]

This is especially true of Christians who apply Bible principles in their marriage. Couples who legally marry make a commitment to love, respect, and cherish each other. As a result, they often feel more secure than do couples who simply live together. And marriage provides a secure foundation for raising a family.

3. How does Jehovah view marriage?

When Jehovah performed the first marriage, he said: “A man will leave his father and his mother and he will stick to his wife.” (Genesis 2:24) Jehovah wants a husband and wife to love and stick to each other for as long as they are alive. He allows divorce only when a mate is guilty of adultery. In such a case, Jehovah gives the innocent mate the right to decide whether he or she will get a divorce. * (Matthew 19:9)

[Quotation] Matthew 19:9: I say to you that whoever divorces his wife, except on the grounds of sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery.” [End Quotation]

Jehovah does not approve of polygamy among Christians. (1 Timothy 3:2)

[Quotation] 1 Timothy 3:2: The overseer should therefore be irreprehensible, a husband of one wife, moderate in habits, sound in mind, orderly, hospitable, qualified to teach, [End Quotation]

[Footnote] * See Endnote 4 about separation when adultery is not involved. [End of footnote]

Dig Deeper

Learn how you can be happy and make Jehovah happy whether you are single or married.

4. Make good use of the gift of singleness

Jesus viewed singleness as a gift. (Matthew 19:11 and 12)

[Quotation] Matthew 19:11 and 12: He said to them: “Not all men make room for the saying, but only those who have the gift. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs on account of the Kingdom of the heavens. Let the one who can make room for it make room for it.” [End Quotation]

Read Matthew 4:23, and then discuss the question that follows:

[Read scripture] Matthew 4:23: Then he went throughout the whole of Galilee, teaching in their synagogues and preaching the good news of the Kingdom and curing every sort of disease and every sort of infirmity among the people. [End of Read scripture]

How did Jesus use the gift of singleness to serve his Father and to help others?

Christians can enjoy using their singleness as Jesus did. Play the video Faithful Single Ones (3:11), and then discuss the question that follows.

[Disclaimer: The following video is created by Watchtower Bible and Tract Society; however, the audio description has been added by independent blind and sighted volunteers to assist those who are blind or have low vision]

[Click for Transcript]|[Faithful Single Ones]
[Text: Gwen]
Gwen: Being single, you can focus more on other people rather than concentrating on yourself.
[Text: Josue]
Josue: Being single, having more time, more flexibility really helped me to attain this goal which was regular pioneering.
[Text: Anja]
Anja: I view singleness as a gift because it opens up opportunities to serve in a more focused and also more flexible.
Josue: You can study more and have more time in the field ministry. You have more time for the friends. You’re more available.
Gwen: Singleness definitely is a gift if it’s used in the right way for Jehovah.
Josue: Singleness has not always been easy.
Anja: Sometimes there comes a period in life, a certain age, when people start to ask, Anja, did you find somebody? Are you not yet married? And that’s not always easy.
Gwen: Sometimes people look at you, even brothers and sisters, and feel a bit of pity for you maybe because you’re still single. That sort of draws your attention away from what you are doing. That sometimes can be difficult.
Anja: I think I guard my singleness in the sense that I look out for what kind of movies I watch, not too romantic because it’s easy to fall into this type of thinking.
Gwen: So, I’ve also always made sure that I associate with a range of brothers and sisters from different age groups but ones that have similar sorts of goals and they have a very positive outlook.
Anja: Following Jesus closely as a single person, I think, is easier than as a couple because if we reflect on Jesus’ life, early to rise, late to bed, fully focused on the ministry, on his Father, that, I think, is easier for a single person.
Josue: He was available to help others, he was available to teach others, even for children he was available for them to give comfort.
Gwen: Jesus was so busy in his ministry and was focused. And when you’re single, you’re able to do that. You’re able to concentrate more of your energy and effort into the ministry, into serving Jehovah more fully.
Josue: It’s not a matter of just being single; it’s a matter of how you use it to support Jehovah’s arrangement.
Gwen: It doesn’t matter whatever age we are, if we are single, use the circumstances that you’ve got at the moment to do whatever you can because we’re just living in a momentous time. There is so much work for us to do.
Anja: Just go and pioneer or do something for Jehovah and wait for him to surprise you.
Gwen: You can use this time to do all sorts of different things in Jehovah’s service at the moment. There are so many opportunities opened up for single ones, including single sisters, now, going where the need is greater, moving to different countries, serving in Bethel. So, while you’ve got these circumstances, use the time now because it’s wonderful.
(Logo: Black capital letters JW.ORG inside a white box. Copyright 2015 Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania) [Click to close]

In what rewarding ways can Christians use their singleness?

[Box] Did You Know?

The Bible does not give a minimum age for marriage. However, it encourages a person to wait until he is “past the bloom of youth,” a time when strong sexual feelings can distort a young person’s judgment. (1 Corinthians 7:36)

[Quotation] 1 Corinthians 7:36: But if anyone thinks he is behaving improperly by remaining unmarried, and if he is past the bloom of youth, then this is what should take place: Let him do what he wants; he does not sin. Let them marry. [End Quotation]
[End of box]

5. Choose your mate wisely

Choosing your mate is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. Read Matthew 19:4 through 6 and 9, and then discuss the question that follows:

[Read scripture] Matthew 19:4 through 6: In reply he said: “Have you not read that the one who created them from the beginning made them male and female and said: ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and will stick to his wife, and the two will be one flesh’? So that they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has yoked together, let no man put apart.” [End of Read scripture]

[Read scripture] Matthew 19:9: I say to you that whoever divorces his wife, except on the grounds of sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery.” [End of Read scripture]

Why should a Christian not rush into marriage?

The Bible can help you know what to look for in a marriage mate. Above all, look for a marriage mate who loves Jehovah. * Read 1 Corinthians 7:39 and 2 Corinthians 6:14. Then discuss the questions that follow:

[Read scripture] 1 Corinthians 7:39: A wife is bound as long as her husband is alive. But if her husband should fall asleep in death, she is free to be married to whomever she wants, only in the Lord. [End of Read scripture]

[Read scripture] 2 Corinthians 6:14: Do not become unevenly yoked with unbelievers. For what fellowship do righteousness and lawlessness have? Or what sharing does light have with darkness? [End of Read scripture]

Why should we marry only a fellow Christian?

How do you think Jehovah would feel about our marrying someone who does not love Him?

[Footnote] * In some cultures, parents choose a marriage mate for their son or daughter. When that is the case, loving parents first consider, not the money or social standing of the potential spouse, but whether he or she loves Jehovah. [End of footnote]

[Image:] A strong bull and a small donkey struggling under a wooden yoke. Caption: If two animals that are very different are yoked together, they will suffer. Likewise, a Christian who marries an unbeliever will have many problems

6. View marriage as Jehovah does

In ancient Israel, some men divorced their wives for selfish reasons. Read Malachi 2:13 and 14 and 16, and then discuss the question that follow:

[Read scripture] Malachi 2:13 and 14: “And there is another thing that you do, which results in covering the altar of Jehovah with tears and with weeping and sighing, so that he no longer pays attention to your gift offering or looks favorably on anything from your hand. And you say, ‘For what reason?’ It is because Jehovah has acted as a witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously, although she is your partner and your wife by covenant. [End of Read scripture]

[Read scripture] Malachi 2:16: For I hate divorce,” says Jehovah the God of Israel, “and the one who covers his garment with violence,” says Jehovah of armies. “And guard yourselves respecting your spirit, and you must not deal treacherously. [End of Read scripture]

Why does Jehovah hate an unjust divorce?

Play the video Marriage, A Permanent Bond (4:30), and then discuss the question that follows.

[Disclaimer: The following video is created by Watchtower Bible and Tract Society; however, the audio description has been added by independent blind and sighted volunteers to assist those who are blind or have low vision]

[Click for Transcript]|[Marriage. A Permanent Bond]
[At an upscale restaurant in Africa, a couple smile as a waiter pours champagne in their flute glasses. The husband lifts his glass, saying cheers, and his wife looks down and shakes her head, saying no. He tilts his head in disappointment and sighs. The waiter returns, placing a round cake decorated with real purple flowers. It reads, ‘Happy 15th Anniversary.’]
‎Wife: How did 15 years go by so fast? ‎
[Back to their wedding day, they sign the marriage license]
We were so young when we got married, maybe too young.
[Taking photos of the newlyweds]
‎We had so little in common. ‎
[At a movie theatre, she points to an advertisement of a mild romance film. He decidedly points to another ad of a violent war film. He pulls her hand as she tries to dissuade him. Later, he arrives at their apartment during her Bible study]
When I started studying the Bible, ‎I thought Thomas would be as excited as I was to learn the truth. ‎
[As he hangs up his hat and jacket, she waves her hand for him to join the study. But he raises his hand, saying no. Her mouth gapes open as her eyes narrow. Later, they argue as she holds open her Bible]
But every conversation we had on the subject ‎seemed to turn into an argument.
[Raising his hands, he walks off. Then, tossing the Bible down on the bed, she storms out of the room, slamming the door]
‎Looking back, I really wish I’d handled it better. ‎
[Causing a pair of boxing gloves to fall from the door]
As the years went by, ‎he did become more open to discussion. ‎
[Years later, sitting on the couch, his eyes widen, and he leans in closer as she shares a scripture. Back to their anniversary night. After dinner, they drive in their car, and she gazes at the Kingdom Hall as they pass by. The next morning, at that Kingdom Hall, she sits alone during the meeting]
But it’s been hard worshipping God alone. ‎Others in the congregation are able to serve Jehovah together ‎and even reach out for theocratic goals ‎like the School for Kingdom Evangelizers, ‎something I would love to do. ‎
[watches a happy couple at the meeting]
Why can’t I have a husband who loves Jehovah like I do? ‎
[At home she reads her Bible]
Abigail probably felt the same way ‎but with more reason. ‎
[She meditates. Looking disturbed, Abigail turns her head]
Her husband was a bully and a drunkard ‎and was despised by his entire household. ‎
[Wild eyed, Nabal shouts and overturns a table. A young boy sitting on the ground shields his head. Abigail hurries in, saying a silent prayer at the entrance. Taking a deep breath, she stands erect, walks in, softly puts her hand on the boy’s back and calmly picks up the table and dish]
At that time, many marriages were arranged, ‎so Abigail had very little control over her circumstances.
[Nabal flops back in his chair]
‎But her words and actions ‎showed that she was a spiritual woman ‎who didn’t focus on what she could not control ‎but on what she could. ‎I determined to do the same. ‎I meditated on Jesus’ words at Matthew 19:6: ‎“What God has yoked together, let no man put apart.” ‎
[Research’s Watchtower Online]
To Jehovah, marriage is permanent , even my marriage to an unbeliever. ‎So instead of dwelling on changing my husband or my marriage, ‎I focused on changing myself. ‎
[Research’s Watchtower Online]
Thomas does not love Jehovah, ‎but he’s not a “Nabal” either. ‎
[Works on motorbike]
He is loyal, and he loves me. ‎He is entitled to the respect that the Bible commands wives to show to their husbands. ‎So, I’m making an effort to be more respectful and loving to him. ‎
[Brings him lemonade]
Thomas hasn’t developed an interest in the truth or started studying. ‎But I have the satisfaction of knowing my God is pleased with me, ‎
[They laugh]
and I have the same view of marriage that he does.
[Sitting together on the couch, she studies a publication while Thomas scrolls on a tablet. When she gets up carrying a bowl out of the room, Thomas curiously looks over at the magazine, picks it up, and begins to look it over. The focus shifts to a photo of the couple smiling on their wedding day]
(Logo: Black capital letters JW.ORG inside a white box. Copyright 2018 Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania) [Click to close]

If you are married to an unbeliever, what can you do to make your marriage successful?

[Image:] A heartbroken mother watching her husband move out of their home. Their upset daughter hugs her mother. Caption: Adultery and divorce hurt the innocent mate and the children

7. Apply Jehovah’s standards for marriage

A person may need to make great efforts to apply Jehovah’s standards for marriage. * But Jehovah blesses those who do. Play the video You Can Meet Jehovah’s Standards for Marriage (4:14).

[Disclaimer: The following video is created by Watchtower Bible and Tract Society; however, the audio description has been added by independent blind and sighted volunteers to assist those who are blind or have low vision]

[Click for Transcript]|[You Can Meet Jehovah’s Standards for Marriage]
[Text: Let marriage be honorable among all, and let the marriage bed be without defilement, for God will judge sexually immoral people and adulterers, Hebrews 13:4. In Africa, a woman stirs food with a long wooden stick]
Woman 1: I didn’t have a problem with polygamy because I too was in a polygamous marriage. And I viewed myself as a good wife; I was the second wife.
Man: I used to work at the mines in Carletonville, South Africa. My family lived in Botswana, in Gaborone. I had a girlfriend, and we had three children. My church didn’t see anything wrong with what I was doing because that was a common practice.
Woman 2: We were just married according to Cambodian tradition.
[In a hut outside, a woman prepares food]
But we never legally registered our marriage.
Woman 1: I got a Bible.
[Reads Bible outside]
What I learned from it really touched me.
[Follows along with a pencil as she reads]
I realized that I was wrong to be in a polygamous marriage.
[Text: Whoever has greater affection for [family] than for me is not worthy of me. Matthew 10:37]
Man 1: The brother who was studying the Bible with me saw a picture of my family. He asked me about the picture, and I told him that it was my girlfriend and my kids. We then studied the lesson which talks about family life, and I realized that I had to make changes in my life.
[Studies ‘Good News’ brochure]
Woman 2: When I wanted to start preaching, I realized that Jehovah requires that we legalize our marriage.
[Heats a large cracker over glowing coals]
I had prayed,
[Text: Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be anxious, for I am your God. I will fortify you, yes, I will help you, I will really hold on to you with my right hand of righteousness. Isaiah 41:10]
O Jehovah, if you really have drawn me and are pleased with me, please help me get the birth certificate and the money needed to make the trip.
[Clutching her Bible, she tightly closes her eyes and bows her head]
Woman 1: This really troubled me for a very long time.
[Shakes her head]
Another thing that made it difficult to leave him was the fact that I had ten children.
[Photo of all children from infant to adult]
But I saw that loving this man shouldn’t prevent me from becoming someone worthy to God. So, I said, I’m leaving.
[Packs her things]
As for the local community, they would comment about me: This lady is a rebel. She stole a man’s children. But once I did leave, I felt as if something was being lifted off of me.
Man: I went back home and got married to my wife. This enabled me and my family to be together in one place where we could serve Jehovah as a family.
[Text: Keep on, then, seeking first the Kingdom and his righteousness, and all these other things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33]
After I quit my job, I spent a whole year unemployed. We planted some vegetables in our yard, and that helped us to get by.
[Planting a garden]
Woman 2: To my surprise, my Bible study conductor called me and invited me to go to Takeo.
[Ride motorbikes]
It’s very far away,
[Dirt roads]
really far! When I mentioned the names of my parents, extended family, and relatives, I was able to get my birth certificate. We submitted an application for a marriage certificate and received it two weeks later.
[Certificate filled out and stamped]
Woman 1: My previous husband eventually became one of Jehovah’s Witnesses.
[The woman and first wife chat and laugh as they walk]
My best friend now is the first wife from my polygamous marriage.
Man: I’m so proud to see my family serving Jehovah, to see that they love Jehovah, and to see them obeying Jehovah’s laws.
[family singing during family worship]
Woman 2: I eventually got baptized. I also preached to my husband, and he agreed to start studying the Bible.
[Holding hands]
I am really grateful to Jehovah. He is merciful to the poor and to the lowliest, like me. I fully relied on Jehovah, and he made everything happen.
(Logo: Black capital letters JW.ORG inside a white box. Copyright 2021 Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania) [Click to close]

[Footnote] * If you are living with someone out of wedlock, whether you leave the person or marry is a personal decision. [End of footnote]

Read Hebrews 13:4, and then discuss the questions that follow:

[Read scripture] Hebrews 13:4: Let marriage be honorable among all, and let the marriage bed be without defilement, for God will judge sexually immoral people and adulterers. [End of Read scripture]

Do you think that Jehovah’s standards for marriage are reasonable? Why, or why not?

Jehovah expects Christians to register their marriages and divorces, as in most countries these are governed by civil authorities. Read Titus 3:1, and then discuss the question that follows:

[Read scripture] Titus 3:1: Continue reminding them to be in subjection and to be obedient to governments and authorities, to be ready for every good work, [End of Read scripture]

If you are married, are you sure that your marriage is legally recognized by the government?

[Box]

Someone May Ask: “Why get married? Can’t a couple just live together?” How would you answer? [End of box]

Summary

Singleness and marriage are gifts from Jehovah. Either can bring joy and satisfaction if enjoyed in harmony with Jehovah’s will.

Review

How can a person make good use of his or her singleness?

Why does the Bible say to marry only a fellow Christian?

What is the only Scriptural basis for divorce?

Goal

If your marriage is not legally recognized by the government, find out what you need to do to make it legal. Set Other Goals

Explore

What does marrying “only in the Lord” mean? “Questions From Readers” (The Watchtower, July 1, 2004)

[Click for article]|[Coming soon] [Click to close]

Watch two dramatizations that can help you make good decisions about dating and marriage. Preparing for Marriage (11:53)

[Click for transcript]|[Coming soon] [Click to close]

Learn why one brother feels that what Jehovah has given him is much more valuable than anything he gave up. I Was Hoping That She Would Learn the Truth (1:56)